Temperament Corner July/August

THE IMPORTANCE OF HELPING PARENTS BECOME AWARE OF THE NEED FOR THEIR SANGUINE YOUTH TO GO THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS OVER THE LOSS OF A SURFACE AND/OR DEEP RELATIONSHIP.

Proverbs 22:6 tells us to: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

This includes teaching them about death and dying.

Since 2020 all over the world, the youth, as well as adults, have been deeply affected by the deaths that have occurred such as a loss of parents, grandparents and friends.

Sometimes parents can become so engulfed in their own grief over the death of a spouse, parent or friend that they do not realize their children are also grieving.

Now, more than ever, we as Christian counselors, need to help the parents to become aware of the fact that when there is a death in the family or of a close friend, their youth will also be grieving.

The parents must also understand that if they have several youths, that each youth will handle their grief in different ways as each youth will usually have a different temperament.

Webster II defines grief as “Deep sadness as that caused by bereavement.”

The Five Steps to Grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

If the Sanguine youth does not receive help to understand and move through the grieving process, they may become stuck in the anger stage. This anger can be directed towards God, their parents and/or others.

We are going to review the Inclusion, Control and Affection areas of the Sanguine youth.

SANGUINE YOUTH IN INCLUSION

REVIEWING GODLY WAYS, PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR SANGUINE YOUTH IN INCLUSION WORK THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS.

Brief description of some of the tendencies of the Sanguine Youth in Inclusion:

Relationship-oriented, friendly, outgoing, prone to exaggerate, takes on moral of the crowd, enthusiastic, has temper tantrums, undisciplined, inspiring, talkative and can be emotionally unstable.

Regarding the death of a surface or deep relationship, since the Sanguine youth is relationship oriented they may tend to express their feelings with anger as they did not want to lose this relationship. They may self-indulge and overeat to deal with their loss. Also, since they are a Sanguine, they may tend to swing downward, pull away from people and pout; however, when they do this, they can get to the point that they do not want to be around themselves so they will swing back up and seek out people. People will then energize them and help them to deal with their loss.

Since the Sanguine youth does not like to lose a relationship, they may also tend to feel anger towards the deceased because they do not like losing friends.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THE SANGUINE YOUTH IN INCLUSION MOVE THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS?

1. They first need to be aware that they themselves are grieving and that their youth will also be grieving.

2. They then should share with their youth that they are grieving too and that it is okay to grieve. Grieving is a normal emotion, and it is not a sign of weakness.

3. The parents can help the Sanguine youth in Inclusion by being there for them. This is because the youth tends to need to have someone to talk with in order for them to let go of their anger.

4. In other words, the Sanguine youth tends to need a friend to be there for them. A friend that will listen and sympathize with them.

5. The parents can also make an appointment with one of our temperament counselors for their youth. The temperament counselor will then generate an APS report on the youth and counsel them according to their temperament.

SANGUINE YOUTH IN CONTROL

REVIEWING GODLY WAYS PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR SANGUINE YOUTH IN CONTROL WORK THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS.

Brief description of some of the tendencies of the Sanguine youth in Control:

Independent, like to control the people around them, need recognition for accomplishments, self-indulgent, swings from being in control to wanting to be controlled when they do not receive recognition and approval and will even abandon responsibilities.

Regarding the death of a relationship in the Control area, the Sanguine youth may tend to show a great deal of emotion such as tears and anger. They will swing (narcissistic) and self-indulge and lack persistence.

After they deal with their emotions and they begin to feel alone, they are then able to go to the funeral home or memorial services so that they can interact with others that are grieving. When they give others attention, they will not feel so alone.

Since the Sanguine youth wants to be in Control, they may also tend to feel anger towards the deceased because they lost control of this person as they did not give them permission to die.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THE SANGUINE YOUTH IN CONTROL MOVE THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS?

They first need to be aware that even though they themselves are grieving, their youth will also be grieving.

They can share with the youth that they, the parents, are also grieving and that it is okay for them to grieve because grieving is a normal emotion.

The parents can also help the Sanguine youth in Control by being there for them as they tend to need to have someone to talk with in order for them to vent their anger. This is because they want control over the lives and behaviors of others, and when this relationship died, the Sanguine youth lost control—they did not give them permission to die.

If not given the ability to express their emotions, the Sanguine youth may abandon their responsibilities and become self-indulgent and narcissistic. Therefore, they need to process their grief so they can move forward with their own life.

They can also make an appointment with one of our temperament counselors for their youth. The temperament counselor will then generate an APS report on the youth and counsel them according to their temperament.

SANGUINE YOUTH IN AFFECTION

REVIEWING GODLY WAYS PARENTS CAN HELP THEIR SANGUINE YOUTH IN AFFECTION WORK THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS.

Brief description of some of the tendencies of the Sanguine Youth In Affection:

Need deep emotional contact, skin hungry (they need to touch people in order to feel connected), most loveable of the temperaments, express love and affection continuously, compassionate, emotionally unstable, and easily devastated if not reassured that they are loved.

Regarding the death of a relationship in the deep Affection area, the Sanguine youth may tend to be very emotional and needy. Therefore, they will express their emotions rather than bottle them up inside. They tend to feel the most comfortable by expressing their feelings by hugging and expressing their emotions to the deceased’s family. They tend to feel comfortable going to the funeral home or memorial services as they can relate with the emotional aspect of people grieving, hugging and crying. This also helps them because when they are grieving they need attention too.

Since the Sanguine wants to be in Control, they may also tend to feel anger towards the deceased because they did not give them permission to leave them (die). They may even feel rejected by the deceased.

HOW CAN PARENTS HELP THE SANGUINE YOUTH IN AFFECTION MOVE THROUGH THE GRIEVING PROCESS?

1. They first need to be aware that even though they themselves are grieving, their youth will also be grieving.

2. They can share with the Sanguine youth in Affection that they, the parents, are also grieving and that is okay to grieve and that grieving is not a sign of weakness, they need to share with them that it is “okay” to grieve; as it is a normal emotion.

3. The parents can also help the Sanguine youth in Affection by being there for them as they tend to need to have someone to talk to in order for them to process their thoughts and deal with their anger. This is because when a deep relationship dies, they have lost control of the relationship as they did not give them permission to die.

4. The Sanguine youth tends to need “a shoulder to cry on” to bounce off their thoughts and have a good cry; they do not want others to talk, they tend to want them to listen and give them hugs. Having a person that will listen and give them hugs will help them deal with their loss.

5. They can also make an appointment with one of our temperament counselors for their youth. The temperament counselor will then generate an APS report on the youth and counsel them according to their temperament.

CONCLUSION

It is so important that the parents become aware of the fact that their Sanguine youth in Inclusion, Control and/or Affection will need to go through the grieving process when they lose a close friend or relative. If they are not helped through the grieving process they may get stuck in the anger stage of grief.

They may even carry this anger throughout their life and blaming God for taking their friend or loved one.

SCRIPTURES FOR THE SANGUINE YOUTH IN INCLUSION, CONTROL, AND AFFECTION

Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”

Ephesians 4: 26: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.

Ephesians 4: 31-32: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

II Corinthians 1;3-4: “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, The Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort: Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted by God.”

I Thessalonians 5:11: “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also you do.”